A revelation of sorts.
“In blood I came, and in blood I shall go.” I just had this thought in my mind. It’s been a while since I watched Eckhart Tolle’s video on YouTube in which he mentioned that feeling every single sensation as you take a deep breath in can help the mind to step back and allow the consciousness to step forward. In fact, everytime we get angry or frustrated at someone or something, we like closing our eyes and taking in a deep breath – not knowing that in so doing, you are invoking the power of the consciousness that is love, which then permeates your body momentarily and gives you the stillness you need to allow the said feelings to dissipate. Does breathing deeply not require conscious effort that silences the mind? Then it is, in so exercising the conscious choice that your inner presence is accentuated in your words and actions. I’ve experienced two spiritual awakenings – and I dislike the word ‘spiritual’ because of the distortion of this word by major religions around the world – thus far in my life. The first one occurred when I was around the age of 14. Then, I was constantly getting involved in heated arguments with my stepmum because of my stubbornness to do my homework and maintain discipline required to perform well in school. As such, I was always reacting, in a negative manner, to her scoldings and criticisms, and would retort her with insults and unkindly remarks that came from a place of unrestrained anger. Such was the case on an almost daily basis to the point when, one fine day, as I was sitting in the front seat of the car while my stepmum was driving beside me, I suddenly felt this welling up of sorrow in my chest area. And before I could have the time to find an explanation to what had just happened to me, I broke out in a fit of uncontrollable sobbing that must have frightened my stepmum. My peripheral vision became engulfed in bright light (and so did the darkness in my mind) and I felt this tingling sensation course throughout my entire body: from my head down to my arms, hands, fingertips, feet and toes. So strong was this surge of energy that I was literally paralysed. My joints were locked in place and limited to a small range of motion as an unspeakable force resisted every inch of muscular strength that I could possibly muster to break this mysterious force.
I cried and poured my heart out. What seemed to be sorrow welling up inside of me transformed into pure bliss and immovable calmness and serenity as my face naturally shaped itself in the form of the hugest smile I could ever possibly have in this lifetime. But my mind resisted out of fear – fear of this unknown transmutation that had caught me in a spellbinding state of euphoria and ecstasy. It was in this very moment that I truly felt peaceful and non-antagonistic to not only my stepmum, but to everything else around me. Time stopped and I became nothing more than the mere product of love and heightened awareness within and without me. It was after this experience that I then began directing my life towards that of increasing the awareness of my consciousness. I began writing poetry as a form of expression of this inner awareness and read all sorts of teachings: those from the fully awakened in the past and delved into the world of esotericism and the New Age movement in order to enrich myself with a fuller understanding of the entire awakening process. It was in experiencing this slight awakening that I then understood my purpose in coming to Earth and living among humanity. Life wasn’t meant to be a reign of terror; life was instead a reflection of having chosen against our true, conscious state of presence. Intrinsically speaking, we were all created in goodness that so fills our creator. But in choosing to come down to the physical realm of existence, we were then bought over by the divisive walls of separation from that goodness that we once saw not only in ourselves, but also in our peers. And so, it is from awakening from this state of ignorance that we may learn to cherish the very nature of God that is in each and every one of us. And as we start to become aware of that inner presence in each one of us, may we also relate to others with that consciousness that is of and breeds life.
My second experience happened just last night when I was with my girlfriend. We were sitting down at a public rooftop garden enclosed by the surrounding blocks of public housing apartments. The wind blew gently as it caressed my skin and eyes. It was relatively quiet with the distant rumbling of vehicles on the main road downstairs and the occasional murmur of people that filled the nearby streets. My girlfriend was a little bored, so she decided to put on some classical music upon sensing that I was somewhat in a trance as I sat there rocking my body back and forth to a fixed rhythm. She put on Claire De Lune by Claude Debussy and as I listened intently to it, I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath through my nose. I first felt the sensation of the stream of cooling air brushing the roof of my nostrils, followed by it moving past the naval cavity into the back of the throat where it mixed delightfully with the sour aftertaste that had been lingering there for a while, before sliding down my throat and causing tension in my neck muscles as my windpipe expanded, all the while observing the wave-like flow of the abdominal cavity expanding before the thoracic cavity and then contracting in the same sequence – much like an accordion being expanded and compressed in constant rhythm. And as the abdominal and thoracic cavities contracted, a stream of warm air rose up from deep inside my lungs and, once again, mixed with the aftertaste at the back of my throat disharmoniously before heating up the naval cavity and being expelled through the nostrils where it scraped harshly against the entry perimeter of my nostrils, producing a grating sound almost akin to that of water shooting out of a hose. Out of nowhere, a sudden immense urge of sorrow welled up from somewhere deep down inside of me and gradually built up into a heavy feeling gripping my chest tightly together. All at once, I released this pent-up sorrow and tightness in a series of loud sobs, to which my girlfriend didn’t know how to react. I cried passionately at first, trying to figure out where this cathartic state manifested from, and slowly transitioned into a state of seemingly eternal pure happiness that sprouted up from the very fabric of my being. Everything was clear to me. Jesus’ teachings, the Zen Buddhism koans and all that pointed to this fullness of life and vigour. The ‘God’ or ‘Allah’ that everyone was raving about. It was in me. And I became it. My two hands slid together in a contorted manner with fingers almost intertwined with one another, but barely separated only by this invisible force that prevented me from putting my hands completely in contact with each other. My fingers and wrists were locked in place. And, moving my fingertips, I felt as though I were pressing into an invisible ball of dough that moulded into them. Was this energy that I was feeling? My fingers and palms were overdosed with a surge of electrical impulses that resulted in instantaneous paralysis and tingling that transmitted downwards to my ankles and feet as well. My knees were so overwhelmed by this energy that, when my girlfriend asked me to stand up, I could barely even lift myself a few centimetres from my seat. I was rooted in place and could only imagine any passer-by misinterpreting me to be suffering from some physical ailment like cerebral palsy or muscular dystrophy. I joyously professed my pure ecstasy and smile wider than the Amazon river. And then I realised, it wasn’t tears of sadness that I was shedding; it was tears of joy and immense love that was flowing incessantly down my cheeks. All notions of fear and worry dropped right in that instance and I became overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciation for all the nature that was around me. I looked at my girlfriend and smiled and showed my teeth brilliantly to her. And I laughed not at anyone in particular, but because I had truly found an unconditional state from which laughter was not the effect of a mental perception: it was a cause in itself. And, as soon as I was able to stand upright, I walked around staggeringly, as though like a drunkard who had had lost his sense of balance. I was laughing, smiling and crying all at once. Was this then, the truest expression of happiness and love brought forth in an all-natural state of amalgamation? But I couldn’t care less, simply because I was already experiencing it and nothing else mattered in the non-existent time that had lapsed from the very beginning of this episode of conscious awakening.
Answer to your call of nature. Answer to your true call of nature and not the mimicry that is materialism. Materialism is by no means a part of your true being. What is in you is pure love, bliss and immense serenity that would make everything on Earth pale in comparison.